You're a womanizer and a bitch.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
