Michael Bay diarrhea
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
