Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
