I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
