O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
