This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
