For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
