dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
