a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
