the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
