Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
