.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
