I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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