Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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