I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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