Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
