You're my little dorito
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Best friends brother. Beat that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
