when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
