after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
