last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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