I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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