I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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