I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
