home. puking in laundry basket.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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