Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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