Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
