my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
