Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I would fuck him just for his dog
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
