just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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