He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
