Jerry, you need to find god
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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