My pussy is not your playground.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
