we're chasing vodka with high fives
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
