dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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