I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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