Someone shit on the floor
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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