ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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