Nicole vs. Life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
