i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
