I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
