thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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