But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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