its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
