Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize