what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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