he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
