I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
