Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
