Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
