You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
