did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
