I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
