I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
