Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize