remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
