Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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