So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
