This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
