dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
