"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
