i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
