You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize