Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
