just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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