If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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