Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
