Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
