this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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