you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
