Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
